


Flight

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Stormpilot - Fandom
Genre: Cuddling, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Slow Burn, first fic, innocent finn, sex ed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-14 16:48:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5750773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Revised, fixed a bunch of issues and smoothed out some of the wording. Not sure why I put it up with those mistakes, but it's better now! Enjoy!</p></blockquote>





	1. You've Got to Start Somewhere

Until he met Poe, he'd never known what love was; he'd heard of it, as anyone, but had never actually know how it felt to be in the throws of it. It was sneaking looks when he knew he wouldn't get caught, and lingering on every second as he stood over him, teaching him the ins-and-outs of piloting his X-Wing. It was the sweet, masculine scent that he caught as Poe took hold of the stick and held his face just inches from Finn's. He knew his training was taking too long, and he desperately hoped Poe knew why. Focusing with so many emotions rushing through him at once isn't going to happen any time soon. It was something intoxicating and frightening, yet embarrassing and thrilling all at once.

The worst part of this torture, though, was the constant nagging of a simple question: did Poe even think of him like that? For all the times Finn tried to pull just a little, try to elicit any sort of acknowledgement, Poe remained as laser-focused as ever. It was a self-inflicted torture, but torture nonetheless. Finn didn't just want him, he needed him. Craved him, even. He felt his body tense when they were alone, and he wished for nothing else but to see the same desire in Poe's eyes that he knew he showed in his own. He wanted to be shown what love was, to let Poe take hold of him and show him exactly what he'd been missing all those years in the First Order. If the chatter from the guys around Base was anything to go by, he'd been deprived of far too much for far too long. To want someone as he did, but not know what exactly it was that he wanted, it was to exist in a blissfully strange state of confusion.

\\\  
It was a cold morning, and Finn could see his breath dissipate into the air as he crossed the cement landing pad. He didn't know how or why, but he'd woken up with an incredible need to talk to Poe... just talk. He didn't know what he'd say or why he felt it, but something was in the back of his mind, maybe just now coming out after months of being ignored. He felt relief as he entered the barrack, the heat washing over him. Poe's room was A320, just before the hallway ended. Finn stood in front of the door, coming up with something to say; but just as how he'd gotten to where he was, he found himself knocking without willing himself to do so. Swallowing hard, he heard footsteps and found himself frozen as the door slid open.  
"Finn! What's up?"  
"I, uh... I just need to talk... to you." It came out sounding like a question. He could feel his cheeks heat up, and the man staring at him from less than a foot away suddenly looked more concerned than welcoming.  
"Yeah, of course. Come in." He closed the door behind them, and straddled the metal chair behind his desk as Finn slumped onto his bed. "What's on your mind?"  
Finn straightened his back, and felt a new rush of embarrassment.  
"I just... When I was in the First Order-" He stopped, trying to figure out what to say next. "They raise you a certain way, you know? Keep some things from you..." Now it was Poe's turn to sit up, and his look of concern slowly faded into one of sympathy. Did he already know where Finn was going with this?  
"Is this about family?"  
"No, not really. It's-"  
"Love?" Poe stammered, the words sounding as though they'd been trapped inside of him for weeks.  
"Uh..."  
"Sorry, I-"  
"No, that's... that's actually it. I just never, well..." Both of them sat for a good 90 seconds before daring to continue on, both of them aching to validate each others' feelings.  
"I assume you never... learned about that sort of thing?"  
"About... love?" Poe smiled at his innocence, and Finn exhaled at the sight of it. Poe stood up, walked over to the bed, and sat down next to the ex-Stormtrooper.  
"Look, clearly you've got a lot to learn. Maybe we can t-" Finn lurched forward, and before Poe could register the movement, Finn's lips were against his own. He grunted, surprised but thrilled at the same time. Finn was reeling, finally getting what he had wanted so badly for so long. He had to force himself to end it, and shyly pulled away after what seemed like days.  
"Maybe less than I thought." Poe laughed, and for the first time since they'd met, Finn felt genuinely comfortable in his presence. He looked at the scars on the face of the man across from him, the messy hair, the brown eyes staring back at him with an intensity he'd never thought possible.  
"Was that...?"  
"Trust me, you did great."  
"No, I mean-"  
"Oh?"  
"Was that it?" Poe chuckled at the innocence of the question, and put a hand on his shoulder.  
"Finn, that's not even the half of it."


	2. Test Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revised, fixed a bunch of issues and smoothed out some of the wording. Not sure why I put it up with those mistakes, but it's better now! Enjoy!

It'd been a week since Finn had gotten his first taste of Poe, and he was still in disbelief. Almost as though he was being punished for it, however, he hadn't heard anything from the pilot since. He was back to a waiting game, and he wasn't comfortable enough with the whole situation to just outright _ask_ him about it. He kept on with his daily duties, but in the back of his mind he wanted nothing more than to find out what Poe had meant by 'not even the half of it.' Was there more? What else had the First Order been keeping from him?

\\\  
The next afternoon he headed to his room, his work for the day finished. He stepped into the shower just as someone knocked on the door. Or at least, something _hit_ the door. Opening it with a towel around his waist, he was surprised to find BB-8 rolling about in the hallway.  
"Hey, what's up?" He chuckled, kneeling down and taking the piece of paper from the droid's outstretched drawer. BB-8 quickly rolled away, and Finn closed the door behind him as he flipped it open.  
_You didn't think we were done with your training, did you?_  
He hastily crumpled it up, somehow embarrassed despite being alone. His heart started pounding, and the all-too-familiar sense of dread filled him. He took his shower, threw on his best clothes, and stopped to take a deep breath before opening the door. Taking his time crossing the landing pad, he couldn't help but think of what exactly Poe had planned for him.

\\\  
"Hey, you got it!" Poe looked genuinely excited to see him, and Finn's frantic heartbeat slowed as he exhaled a sigh of relief. Seeing the pilot's smile made him feel better than anything else.  
"Yeah, I-"  
"Come in! Droid's been on the fritz lately, I was starting to think it might've gone to the wrong bunk." He closed the door and sat down next to Finn on the end of his bed. After a bit of awkward silence, Finn cleared his throat.  
"Poe, I want you to know that I really don't get how any of this... _works_." the pilot smiled, putting a hand on Finn's shoulder.  
"Look, buddy. We don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with, alright?"  
"Yeah." Poe squeezed his shoulder. "So, uh... where should we go from here?"  
"Haven't thought that far ahead yet." He laid back, gazing up at the ceiling. "What'd you think of what we did last time?" Finn's pulse sped up again as he remembered how he felt, how incredible it was to finally get what he'd wanted for so long. "Buddy?" He snapped right out of it at the sound of Poe's voice.  
"Yeah?"  
"Look, if this isn't working, we-"  
"No, no. I want this, I just... don't really know what _this_ is."  
"Don't worry about it." Poe sat up and nudged closer to the ex-stormtrooper. He put a hand on Finn's back, lightly tracing the scar he still felt responsible for. It hadn't hurt for weeks, but the mark wasn't going away anytime soon. "We'll just start small, ok?" He leaned over and pecked Finn on the cheek. "It's ok to be nervous, I know I was." Finn let out a deep breath before continuing.  
"That... actually helps. A lot." Poe never realized how strange this all must be for him, he felt stupid for being so forward.  
"Hey, look at me." Finn raised his head and looked into the dark brown eyes across from him, wanting nothing more than to be up against them like before.  
"I don't want any of this to be weird for you, ok? None of this is going to work out unless you feel safe with me."  
"I do, I...I just feel like I'm gonna fuck something up." Poe looked at him with a half-smile.  
"Trust me, buddy. I can take care of myself. This is about you, ok?" He put an arm around his shoulder again. "I want to make it special." Finn couldn't hold back anymore; Poe's concern only made him want it more. He put both arms around the pilot and leaned in, Poe gladly returning the favor.  
Finn never realized he could miss something so much in just a week, but the taste of Poe's lips on his own somehow felt more incredible the second time around, and he couldn't get over the feel of day-old stubble against his face. After a while, he felt Poe's tongue cautiously graze against his lips, and he jumped back in surprise. "Oh, sorry, I-" Finn's grin widen as he pulled them back together, cautiously returning the favor. He mumbled something like _don't apologize_ , but it was lost between their lips. Poe put his hand on the back of Finn's head and pulled them tighter, grunting as he exhaled through his nose, never wanting to pull away from their embrace. After a while, though, he did. Finn kept his eyes closed and could've sworn he let out a whimper as he felt the cold air hit his mouth, the heat from Poe's face no longer there to reassure him that everything was going to be ok.  
He noticed something, though; he could feel his pants tightening as the reality of what just occurred hit him. He sat up straight, looking down in horror.  
"Oh... _shit_ , I-" He began to stand up, but Poe tugged him back down, barely keeping a straight face.  
"Don't worry about it." The crinkles forming around his eyes were telling, but Finn was still in a panic. "That's good. That just means... _you like it_." He ran his fingers across Finn's back once again, letting out a chuckle. "Nothing to be ashamed of."  
"Um..." Finn cracked a nervous smile. It had happened to him before, but never in front of someone... let alone _Poe_.  
"Hey, you with me?" Finn looked up.  
"Yeah, I've just never..." he went quiet, not sure how to even put it into words.  
"Really?"  
"No, I mean it never happened _in front of someone_." Poe once again struggled to keep himself from cracking up, amused by how little Finn knew of his own body.  
"Buddy, that's _natural_. Just means you... like someone, ok? Happens to me too." He laid back down, arms behind his head. "Come here." Finn let himself fall back, lying there next to the best pilot in the galaxy with the taste of his lips still on his own. It felt indescribable, to know that Poe felt the same way about him after months of torturous waiting. He felt a rush, like if he died right there on that bed, it surely couldn't be the worst way to go. "You've never done that before?"  
"Nope." He exhaled as he said it, still in shock.  
"Then you're certainly a fast learner." Poe rolled over onto his side with a wry smile and gently placed his hand on Finn's chest. He almost shuddered at the pilot's touch, both from not expecting it and not being used to the sensation. Poe moved his hand up and down, feeling Finn's rampant heartbeat underneath the gray shirt. He carefully tugged the jacket - _their_ jacket - away from Finn's side and slid his hand under the tight gray fabric. Finn felt a fresh wave of unease but quickly got used to it, Poe's hand surprisingly smooth on his skin. Despite still being fully-clothed, he'd never felt so naked in front of someone. Poe's hand exploring his chest, though? It was enough to make him forget about it all. "Still with me?" It was Finn's turn to laugh.  
"Yeah, I- I'm good."  
"How about we..." Poe helped him sit up and pulled the shirt all the way off, tossing it and their brown jacket at the end of the bed. "There we go." Finn's smooth, dark torso laid bare, and Poe couldn't help but take a second to admire it. "Damn..."  
"What?" Finn stammered, fighting off the sudden urge to cover himself with something.  
"Buddy, you're... you're _beautiful_." Poe went back down onto his side and brought their lips together again, running his hand over Finn's chest, seeing which areas made his breath heavier than others. His fingers grazed over his nipple, and Finn let out a low moan almost instinctively. Any sort of nervousness had gone out the door as soon as Finn felt Poe's hand on his skin, and now he was just along for the ride. They sat there for a good minute or so before Poe broke off. "You wanna try?"  
"Yeah." He watched Poe take off his black shirt, and found himself frozen as he took in the muscular, scarred man in front of him.  
"Don't be shy" Poe joked, putting an arm around Finn as they faced each other, no more than 6 inches apart. Finn took his time, tentatively sliding a few fingers over a scar just above his navel, before pressing his whole hand against him. He felt special, to be able to just _explore_ Poe like this. After what felt like hours, he put his hand down and looked back across at the pilot. "Not so bad, huh?" Poe's smile was beaming, his chest slowly rising and falling; much slower than Finn's.  
"Not bad." Poe nudged up against Finn, and the sensation of skin-on-skin contact was incredible. Finn had all but forgotten about what his lower half had been up to, but he grunted in surprise as his... _embarrassment_ hit what must've been Poe's own. The realization that it was happening to Poe too kept him from worrying about it, but it didn't seem to help stop it, either. Poe kissed him again as they both lied there, taking in each other's form. Finn had missed the scent of Poe that he'd only ever gotten during the close proximity of their training, and Poe was intoxicated by the newfound mix of sweat and cologne. Finn's heartbeat slowed as he grew to love to the feeling of Poe in his arms, the heat from his chest on his own. In that moment, nothing mattered but the feeling he got from the rise and fall of the pilot's stomach, the heat of Poe's breath against his face.

It was definitely a feeling he could get used to.


	3. Some Things Take Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn's first time flying without Poe's help brings more than excitement to the surface, and Poe isn't about to let the ex-stormtrooper's past keep him chained down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was initially supposed to be a lot shorter like before, but I got WAY carried away and it's now kind of angsty and is turning into a lot more of a real story than just some quick flashes like the previous chapters. I like where it's going though, and am looking forward to keep the story progressing. ANYWAYS, enjoy!

"You got it?"  
"Yeah."  
"Sure?"  
"Yes."  
"Just don't-"  
"I know, I know."  
"Alright, whenever you're ready." Poe sat back, beaming with pride at the progress they'd made. Just a few months ago Finn could barely keep the ship flying straight, and now he was jumping to lightspeed like he'd been doing it for years. Finn threw the switch and stared out in awe. Poe leaned over and put his arm around him as they watched the stars fly past them, a sight that just never gets old. He looked over, admiring the reflection in Finn's wide eyes. "You did it, buddy." Poe bit his lip; it wasn't often that he got to see Finn express such pure awe.  
"I could... get used to this." Poe could feel a stupid grin forming on his face as he mouthed _me too_.  
"Is it... always like this?"  
"The view?"  
"Yeah."  
"Sure, but," he motioned to the console, reminding Finn it was time to slow down, "it never lasts long."  
"Right." The brilliant streaks across the vast emptiness vanished, the stars took their place once again. Finn took a deep breath before continuing, "that was fucking _awesome_." Poe laughed, rubbing Finn's back as the whirring of the ship's core slowed.  
"You did great." He noticed Finn's shaking hands. "Exciting stuff, huh?"  
"Y...yeah." Finn closed his eyes and sat back, his breathing getting heavier.  
"Hey, you with me?"  
"Um, yeah. I just-"  
"What's going on, buddy?" He saw the first tear form in the corner of the ex-stormtrooper's eyes right before Finn lost it. He turned away and buried his face in his hands, nearly convulsing with each sub. "Hey, buddy. _Finn_." Poe turned Finn's seat back towards himself and took his tear-stricken face into his hands.  
" _Fuck_ ," Finn let out, trying but failing to stop himself, "I'm sorry. This isn't the pl-"  
"Sorry for _what_?" Poe was staring into his eyes, but they weren't giving anything away.  
"This. All of... this," He managed, "I'm just... _fuck_ , I'm a mess." Poe wrapped his arms around Finn and shook his head.  
"Buddy, I..." Poe fell silent, taking in what was happening. "You've been through more than most of us, you shouldn't have to-"  
"I'm not _like_ you."  
"What does that mean?" Finn shook in his arms.  
"Nothing."  
" _Finn_."  
"Poe, I was a _Stormtrooper_ , I was programmed to kill innocent people, I-" Finn choked on the last word. Poe tried his best, but felt his eyes sting with anger.  
"No, no, _no,_  Finn. You're here, with me, ok? You... you _left_ that." Finn didn't show any signs of letting up. "You didn't have a choice in being put there, ok? But you _did_ choose to get out." Poe held him tighter still as they sat there, Finn recovering and Poe thinking of something, _anything_ to say.  
"I just... why _me_? There's a whole galaxy out there, but you chose to be _here_. If I hadn't run into you, I'd still be in First Order. You'd probably be with someone else right now, and-" He paused, holding back more tears.  
"Finn, you can't think like that. No matter what happened before, we're both here _now_ , flying this ship. And personally?" he let out a half-hearted chuckle, "I'm having a hell of a time, buddy." Finn smiled, wiping his cheek before letting go of the pilot.  
"Thanks," he mumbled, "I guess... I just needed to get that off my chest."  
"That's a lot to be carrying around, Finn." Poe looked into his eyes, drying but still full of emotion. "I'm sorry that's how you felt... but I need you to hear something." Finn looked up, surprised by the sudden sternness. Poe took a breath before continuing, " _I love you_ , Finn, ok?  _I love you_. I don't care about how you _got_ here, I just want you to be _happy_." Finn grinned as the second wave of tears found their way onto his lap.  
"I-" He stopped, holding back a sob, "I love you too, Poe." He threw his arms around the pilot and waited until his eyes dried before mouthing  _I love you too_.

\\\  
As they approached the Resistance base almost two hours later, Finn felt...different. Hearing those words, it meant the world to him. For the first time he could remember, he felt unabashedly happy. _Giddy_ , even. No strings attached, just pure joy. His heart was racing, but not because he was nervous. No, he could feel the thumping in his chest because _Poe loved him_.  
"You ready?"  
"Yeah, I just-" he pulled the landing gear lever, "there we go."  
"Alright, now just take it easy. We don't need to wake up the whole base here." Finn looked over at Poe with a grin.  
"I got it." He eased the ship down, landing without a hitch. Poe put an arm around Finn and kissed him before getting up.  
"Not bad at all! Could've been a little faster on the descent, though." As he pulled the latch and the cockpit filled with cool air, Finn gave him a playful punch on the shoulder.  
"Could've done with a few fewer complaints."  
"Ah, but where's the fun in that?" Poe jumped down from the ship first, his boots cutting through the nighttime silence with a loud clap against the cement. "Besides, you know these missions wouldn't be nearly as fun without 'em." Finn laughed, locking the hatch before jumping down. "Whatever you say."  
Poe put his arm around Finn as they made their way across the landing zone, tired but excited. As they entered the barracks, the heat welcoming them inside, the entrance room was near-silent.  
"This is... odd," Finn said, half-whispering, "usually I'm asleep by now." He glanced down at his watch. "Shit..." It was almost time to _get up_ , but he hadn't even considered how much time had gone by on their return. "I've gotta-" He started to turn, but Poe grabbed his arm.  
"Don't worry about it, I worked it all out with General Organa."  
"Worked what out?"  
"Well, after what happened today, I think we could both use a day off."  
"You sure?" Poe looked back at him with a tired half-smile.  
"Buddy, you need it more than me. Just don't worry about it; that's kind of the whole point here."  
"Well, thank you. _Really_." It was Finn's turn now, and he put his hands on Poe's head as he brought their mouths together. Poe let out a sound of surprise. After they'd both had enough, Poe couldn't help but let that stupid grin wash over his face again.  
"You know, I think you're getting pretty good at that."  
"Better than you, maybe."  
_uhuh_.  
"It was worth a shot." Poe let out a quiet chuckle.  
"Let's get out of here." He started walking towards his hallway, Finn's arm still in his hand.  
" _Wait_ , I-" Poe stopped.  
"What's up?"  
"I need to get back to my room." Poe shook his head.  
"I told you, buddy, it's all taken care of. I don't want you sleeping alone tonight, ok?"  
"No, I... There's something I need to do first."  
"Oh, ok. Take your time. I'll leave the door unlocked, alright?"  
"Yeah." Finn gave him a weak smile before heading back through the hall. He jogged across the landing zone to the opposite barracks, opened the door and made his way to his room. Closing the door behind him, he felt it coming. He knew he hadn't fully processed what had gone on earlier that day, but he didn't know it would hit him this hard the second time. He barely made it halfway to the sink before he was a mess once again. _Fuck_. He looked into the mirror, seeing the eyes of someone lost in front of him. But, he was smiling, too. He realized that the knot in his chest wasn't the grief or anger he'd become accustomed, it was _love_. Love that he knew Poe must be feeling too. He repeated those words in his head, _Poe loves me_. His smile grew wider as he put his head into his hands, shaking. _I love him too_ he thought, outright sobbing. He'd hoped this day would come, but he wasn't sure he could ever truly prepare for it, either. He looked back up at the mirror and realized he wasn't looking a man who was lost. He'd confused the tears with pain; he saw a man who for the first time in his life was _exactly_ where he wanted to be.

\\\  
Poe took his time walking to his room. He was still trying to take things one step at a time; he knew Finn had gone through a lot - they all had, but he didn't know he had so much _guilt_ hanging over him.  
After checking his terminal, he stripped off his pilot gear and walked over to his bed. He picked up the photo on his nightstand and looked into the eyes of Rey, Finn and himself, having just returned from a 2-week-long scouting mission on Jakku. They all looked defeated, but General Organa wouldn't let them hibernate for the next few days without a photo. She sent them all on missions together if she could; Rey claimed she saw them as the new 'saviors of the galaxy' like she, Han and Luke had been, but Poe wasn't buying it. He reckoned they'd just been together through too much to split up. They worked well together; but as much as he loved Rey, it was the missions with just Finn that he always looked forward to the most.  
He put down the photo, took off his undershirt and walked over to the sink. Looking into the mirror, he saw a face full of scars. At this point, he could only remember how he got a few; some might've even been from when he was a kid. He thought of Finn, how clean his face still was. He thought of his back, the pink scar that crossed nearly all of it. _I should've been there,_ he thought. _I could've saved him_. It was stupid to think, of course; he had no way of knowing what Finn had gotten himself into, but it didn't stop a part of him from somehow feeling responsible. He looked back up into the mirror. The thought _Finn doesn't deserve these scars_ flashed through his mind. His chest wasn't any better; filled with cuts and marks, some still tender. He knew he had to protect Finn, to keep him from knowing the kind of pain he'd known. Finn had been through enough - if he could keep him from one more scar, it would've all been worth it.

\\\  
Finn shut off the water in the shower and stepped out, drying himself with a towel. He found some gray sweatpants and a light blue undershirt in his drawer and slipped on some socks before laying down on his bed. Looking up through the small window in the ceiling, he took a deep breath before willing himself back up. He picked up their jacket, crumpled up at the end of the bed. He stared at it, remembering how it felt to believe it was all he had left of Poe. He brought it to his face and inhaled. It smelled like leather, it smelled like smoke. _It smelled like Poe._ He put it back down before his eyes had the chance to well up again. He threw it on before leaving. It _was_ cold, but he'd take just about any excuse to wear it, regardless. As he was walking back across the landing zone, he stopped to admire the stars. They look less dramatic from the ground than they do in space, but they look _incredible_ when they fly past you at lightspeed. Seeing his breath turn to fog in front of him reminded him it was probably best to get inside. He opened the door, walked through the entrance hall and made his way down the hallway to Poe's room. Stopping just before door A320, he paused. Even months later, he still had to psych himself up before entering Poe's room alone. He wasn't _embarrassed_ , he just felt so many things at once. It was different this time, though. It wasn't nearly as bad. In fact, he felt _excited_ to be with Poe again. He opened the door, and almost froze in place at the sight of the pilot, the closest he'd ever seen him to naked. Poe noticed.  
"Hey!" He stood up, "I hope you don't mind. Too lazy to find something to wear." Poe was beaming, and Finn just managed to close the door before Poe hugged him. "I missed you." Finn was startled.  
"We've been apart for, what? Half an hour?" Poe shook his head.  
"No, buddy. I was thinking-"  
"So was I," Finn couldn't help but cut him off. The thought was eating him up. "What you said, it's, uh..." he exhaled, mouth stuck open. Poe gazed up at him, his expression begging to know the rest his thought. "It's the best thing anyone's ever said to me." Poe stood there, looking over Finn. He wasn't exactly hiding the fact that he'd been crying. Poe took his hand and led him to the end of the bed, where they sat down.  
"I meant _all of it_ , Finn. Don't think that I'm just trying to make you feel good."  
"I know. It was just... Thank you." Poe put his hand on Finn's back, tracing the scar under the leather; a pattern he knew by heart.  
"Listen to me, buddy." Finn sat up straight, knowing what was coming but feeling no more prepared for it. "I do love you, Finn. Remember that." Poe squeezed his shoulder before getting up. "You hungry? That was a long trip."  
"No, I'm fine." Poe sat back down, meal bar in hand.  
"You sure?" He managed, mouth full.  
"Uh, why not?" Poe handed him the bar and sat back as Finn took a bite.  
"You know, you're the first person I've said that to."  
"Bullshit."  
"No, really. I just never felt the need to before." Finn looked down at him with a furrowed brow.  
"You're tell-" he stopped to swallow, "you're telling me that Poe Dameron, the best pilot in the Resistance, _never_ loved anyone?"  
"Well, I've said it before, but not in the same way."  
"How do you mean?"  
"I love people, sure. But in a caring way; in a family kind of way. I love you... in a different way."  
"What kind of way?"  
"In a... _boyfriend_ kind of way," he chuckled at Finn's confused expression, "I sound like a damn teenager right n-"  
"Poe..." The pilot looked over. The word came out sounding concerned.  
"Yeah?"  
"Are we, uh..." Poe sat back up.  
"Are we what?"  
"Anomalies?"  
_"What?"_ Poe looked more confused than Finn felt.  
"You know...?" Poe was shaking his head.  
"No, I- I don't. What do that mean?"  
"Well, we're both men."  
" _Riiiight_..." his voice trailed off.  
"Since we can't reproduce..."  
"Buddy..." He bit his lip, putting the pieces together. "Where's this coming from?"  
"In the First Order, that's what they taught us."  
"I don't follow." Finn closed his eyes to focus before reciting the line verbatim.  
" _It isn't natural for an intimate relationship to be formed on the basis of anything but the intent of reproduction_." Poe was stunned.  
"You're... _taught_ this?"  
"It's one of the first things we learn."  
"God damn, buddy..."  
"So... that's not true, right?" Poe sat for a moment, baffled.  
"Ok, here's what we're gonna do Finn." He got up, walked over to the table in the corner of the room and grabbed the two metal stools under it. He placed them next to each other and sat on one, motioning Finn to the other. "We're gonna get these fucked-up ideas out of your head." Finn sat down on the opposite stool, hands in his lap.  
"Um... ok?"  
"First off, I need you to _trust_ me here, ok? I know it won't be fun hearing that you've been lied to about so much, but life's gonna get a whole lot better when you see how things really work, alright?"  
"Uh..." Poe took Finn's hands into his own.  
"Look. I'm not asking you to make sense of this right now, Finn. but I'm asking you to _trust me_. That's all."  
"Alright." Poe squeezed Finn's palms and smiled. It was going to be a long night, but Poe was suddenly feeling wide awake.  
"So, where should we start?"


	4. And Some Things Don't

"So you're telling me that people do that... for _fun_?"  
The sun was creeping through the trees above the base, a few streaks of light finding their way through the window in the ceiling. They'd been at it for almost two hours, Poe trying to push everything he could into Finn's mind, trying to rewrite everything the First Order had lied to him about. It was mostly about relationships and sex, things Finn had been been deprived of for far too long. Considering the rate and fervency with which Poe was explaining it all, Finn seemed to be taking it well. Poe pondered his question, looking up as he turned it over in his mind.  
"Sort of. Mostly because it feels good, but partly because you _need_ to once in awhile."  
Finn considered the idea.  
"Have you _ever_ done it?"  
"Masturbated?" Poe cracked half a smile. This wasn't _quite_ how he expected the night to go.  
"Yeah."  
"Sure, but... it wasn't for fun, we just treated it as any other biological need."   
The absence of knowledge as a teenager seemed to have all but removed taboo from Finn's mind; he seemed almost more comfortable talking about it all than Poe. He'd asked Finn numerous times if he wanted to keep going, and Finn was adamant.  
"What about since then? You've been out of there for months."  
"Yeah, but, I didn't know it was so superficial."  
"It isn't superficial, but that doesn't mean you can't _enjoy_ it, either." Finn looked down, mulling over it all in his head. Poe noticed.  
"You wanna take a break? We can head out for a walk or something - you don't need to do this all at once, buddy."  
Finn looked back up, shaking his head.  
"I _need_ to get through this. I'm tired of _waiting_ , Poe." The last words almost came out as a plea, his lips parted as he awaited a response.  
"I know."  
Poe had no idea of where to go next; they'd covered a lot, but he'd been avoiding the mutuality of it all, almost as if he didn't want to make Finn feel pressured into it. They talked about sex, sure, but Finn didn't seem overly-eager with practicing the concept, fascinated as he was.  
"Ok."  
Poe sighed, buying time to come up with as gentle an explanation as he could.  
"So, that's not _just_ something you do on your own." He quickly added "I mean it _can_ be, but sometimes, people do it together."  
"Have _you_ ever done with someone else?"  
Poe laughed.  
"Uh, yeah. Not for a while, but... yeah."  
"What's the advantage?"  
Once again, Poe stopped to think.  
"Well, it's a sign of love. Most of the time. Just something people do to feel good; it's like sex, but... uh, less... _involved_."  
Finn accepted the idea.  
"Listen, buddy. A lot of this stuff isn't done for any good reason. It's just done because it _feels right_ in the moment."  
Finn slowly nodded his head, wrapping his brain around the thought.  
"So, one of the first times I was here..."  
"Yeah?"  
"Something happened, um..." Finn was suddenly hit with a wave of embarrassment.  
"I think I get it," Poe stopped him, grinning as he remembered the moment, "I told you, that's nothing to be ashamed of. Happens to us all."  
"Right, but... that hadn't happened before. Not when I wasn't, you know..."  
Poe noticed his sudden hesitance. "I told you, Finn. You don't need to feel embarrassed, alright?"  
"Right. Um, when I wasn't _masturbating_."  
Poe put his hands together. "Alright, one quick thing. Let's get rid of the textbook terms here, ok? Just say _jacking off_ , it makes things easier for both of us."  
"Oh!"  
"Just a more casual reference is all, makes things a bit less sterile."  
"Fine. But I'm not repeating myself a third time."  
Poe laughed, "no, I want to hear you _say it_."  
Finn groaned, just the thought of the phrase alone making him feel immature. "Fine. I never had an _erec_ -"  
"Whoops, gotta stop you there too. Try... _boner_."  
 _"What?!"_ Finn was grinning from ear to ear. "That's the most ridiculous thing you've said all night."  
"Trust me, buddy."  
Finn closed his eyes, eyebrows lifting in playful annoyance.  
"I never had a _boner_ outside of when I was _jacking off_."  
Poe was cracking up. "See? So much better."  
 _uhuh._  
"So anyway, back to your point. That just means you... _liked_ what was going on."  
"But I didn't even know about any of this?"  
Poe was beaming. "Well, some things are taught, some aren't."  
"Ok, but it hasn't happened since then? Even when we were doing the same exact thing." Poe took a second to think.  
"Well it's something you can _usually_ control, obviously you were embarrassed enough about it that you kept it down without knowing it."  
 _hmm_.  
Poe was suddenly hit with an idea. "Ok. Let's try something here."  
Finn looked back at him, "you're not gonna...?"  
Poe laughed, " _no_ , I just want to help you get over whatever... _shame_ this is. Just remember, I'll stop the second things aren't working for you."  
"okkkaaay...?"  
Poe held out both hands. "Take my hands, and put them on your thighs."  
Finn glared at him like he'd just suggested they jump out of his X-Wing mid-flight. "I'm sorry?"  
"I want you to know what it feels like, but still be in control." Finn's expression didn't shift. "You've gotta start _somewhere_ , but if you don't want to right now, that's up to you." Finn was suddenly determined to prove himself, and he took hold of Poe's wrists with unsure hands.  
"Ok, so now just... do what feels right."  
Finn ever-so-slowly brought them lower, until Poe's palms were just barely grazing his sweatpants. He looked over at Poe, his eyes fixed on their hands. "Are you gonna hold onto me?"  
Poe bent his fingers down, grabbing Finn's thighs. "I told you, you're in charge here."  
Finn got the idea, hands trembling slightly as he grew accustomed to Poe's grip.  
"You ok?"  
"Yeah." Finn carefully motioned Poe's hands further towards him, the inside of his legs giving off a sensation he didn't know was possible. He let his jaw go slack after realizing his teeth were set tight against each other, an action not of his own doing.  
"Um," he wasn't sure how to continue, both with words and with the warmth of Poe's hands on him.  
"Still with me?" It was a phrase he used a lot, but it always seemed to take on a different meaning.  
"Yeah, this is just... new."  
Poe tilted his head up, noticing Finn's furrowed brow. "That's the idea, buddy."  
"Right." He took a deep breath in before willing Poe's grip further towards him.  
Poe was halfway up his leg, and Finn could feel himself growing tense.  
"Poe," The pilot tried to pull back, taking the quiver in Finn's voice for resentment.  
"Sorry, bud-" He cut off as Finn pulled his hands back, shaking his head.  
"No, I just..." Poe got the idea.  
"Don't worry about it." Finn found his gaze, half-smile hiding embarrassment.  
"That's _good_ , ok?" Poe reassured, "means you like it."  
Finn took a deep breath, trying to slow the thumping in his chest. With a deep exhale, he let go of Poe's hands.  
"What-" Poe kept his grip, but looked over, waiting for instruction.  
 _"Surprise me."_ Finn put his own hands on the top of his thighs to steady himself.  
Poe chuckled. "I don't think that's the best way to go about this, buddy."  
Finn's eyes were no longer filled with fear; the slight, innocent curve of his brow replaced with a stern gaze, but one Poe suspected was more of a show than true expression.  
"I want you to show me," Finn looked down, not sure what it even _was_ that he wanted, "what it feels like."  
"To...?" Poe's hands were stuck, his mind caught between a concern for Finn and the desire to finally see a look of ecstasy in his eyes.  
"You said that m-" He caught himself, "jacking off can be mutual."  
"So that's what you want me to do?"  
"Yes."  
"Finn, I don't know if you really-"  
" _Poe_ , I'm not asking you to understand. I'm just asking you to _trust me_." Poe was shocked to hear his own line being thrown back him, sounding like something between a request and a tease.  
"Clever." He looked down, sliding his hands back toward himself before finally releasing his grip.  
"If that's what you want, we're not doing it sitting on stools." Finn gave him a confused smile.  
"Yeah?"  
Poe took his hand and led him back to the bed, sitting up against the wall. He put his hand back down, letting Finn get used to the feeling again as he leaned over and took him by the mouth. Poe let his hand wander, but kept away from the increasingly tight section of fabric just below Finn's waist.  
Eventually he pulled his hand out from between Finn's legs, changing course to his broad chest. The only sound in the room was an occasional gulp for air between them and Finn's soft moans in response to Poe's exploratory touch.  
Finn broke off their embrace, grabbing the neckline of his undershirt and pulling it over him, exposing his dark torso. He watched Poe's eyes work their way across him, the sight of that intensity in his eyes giving Finn a feeling that he never got enough of.  
"I'll never get tired of looking at you" was all that Poe could manage before his mouth found its way back to Finn's.  
His hand got back to work, fingertips running through the soft curls in the center of Finn's chest, thumb swirling around his nipple before carefully treading over it with his fingernail. Finn shuddered and let out a heavy breath against Poe, an involuntary response he'd grown to love.  
Poe's hand took a tentative dip down to Finn's stomach, rising and falling faster as Finn became more and more impatient.  
Finn pulled back from Poe's lips, " _god_ , you're really making me wait here."  
Poe gave him a filthy smirk as he broke his rule - _their rule_ \- and let his fingers fall to the dark patch of hair just above the cutoff of his briefs. Finn twitched, but the shakiness of his breath was more of an encouragement than a sign of unease. He'd never been this far, felt anything this intimate; whatever happened from then on was unfamiliar territory.  
Poe was itching to get to work, but he asked Finn one more time, "you sure about this?"  
Finn's breath was heavy, "Poe, I don't know if I've ever felt so sure about anything."  
Poe let his hand creep lower still before he finally ran his palm over the bulge that Finn's sweatpants were so _desperately_ trying to keep trapped. It twitched, the thrill of an unknown sensation pulsing throughout.  
The friction alone sent Finn spiraling, pulling away from Poe's mouth as he threw his hands down to balance himself on the mattress.  
" _hooooooly shit._ " He was nearly panting.  
Poe was absolutely beaming, savoring every minute detail of Finn's expression. He kept his hand still, grip firm but unmoving as he let Finn recover. "We good?"  
 _hhhuhhhhhhh_ was all that escaped Finn's lips, a moan he hadn't known himself capable of producing.  
Poe stared down in amazement at Finn, utterly helpless with such a small gesture. He started again, reversing the direction at a torturous crawl.  
Finn let out another moan until his lungs were spent, the pleasure welling up inside. Poe wondered if he was even gonna make it to actual skin contact.  
 _"fuuuuuuuuuuck"_ came out next, Finn's head tilted up as he reveled in the almost painful throbbing in his briefs. Poe felt it too, realizing just how close Finn must've been.  
"Buddy, I don't think I'm gonna get to jack you off." His voice was bright, the thought of his own awaiting cock running through his head.  
Finn couldn't reply, just shaking his head with a grin.  
Poe decided to see just how far he could push Finn. Letting go with all but his index finger, he traced the underside of Finn's erection up to the tip, massaging it gently through the soft fabric.  
The feeling was almost too much. Finn knew what was coming, but this was different. This wasn't feeding a biological urge, this was _fucking incredible_.  
The thought slipped his mind as he unknowingly let out a whimper, feeling helpless at the raw ecstasy flowing from the pressure of Poe's finger.  
 _"Poe, Poe I-"_ He couldn't finish, teeth closing hard against each other.  
Poe couldn't help himself; in one motion, he parted the opening in his boxers and started working himself with his free hand, the thought of Finn on the cusp of orgasm enough to send him closer and closer to it himself.  
The rush of surprise at the appearance of Poe's own cock in the pilot's hand pushed Finn even further into bliss. It took all of ten seconds for Finn's hips to instinctively jut upwards, the first shot of cum hot and wet against his thigh.   
_aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh_  
Poe felt the judder of Finn's length, still massaging him under the throbbing tip as the fabric just beyond it grew darker. _"That's it, Finn. Fuck."_  
He felt his own abdomen tightening as the first rope of hot white drew a line across his chest, his own grunt trailing behind Finn's continued moans. He hadn't climaxed that quickly in a long time, but the sight of Finn in such a raw state only accelerated it.  
Finn's cock twitched beneath Poe's finger once more, his thigh hit with another dose of seed as he let out a low moan.  
Poe kept working himself through his own climax, knowing the pleasure he felt must've been but a fraction of what Finn was going through.  
 _"Fuck."_ his eyes never pulled away from the movement in Finn's pants even as he painted himself with white streaks.  
Finn felt himself let go once more before he was spent, Poe's index finger still working at him. He slumped forward, eyes closed and breath sporadic.  
Poe finished in silence, focused more on Finn than himself. Finn sat frozen, the reality of what just happened hitting him. He felt the last few, short-lived waves of satisfaction pulse under Poe's continued friction, the grey fabric no longer stretched tight as he gradually went soft.   
Poe finally let go, using his dry hand to hold Finn's shoulder. "Not bad, huh?" His breath was still heavy.  
Finn was biting his lip, waiting for the last of the warmth running up his spine to subside before daring to speak.  
"That was," he paused, "that was... _fucking amazing_." He let out a tired laugh as his head fell onto Poe's shoulder, looking down at the pilot's cock again, still in his hand. Poe turned to kiss the top of Finn's head, feeling better than he had in weeks.  
 _"How?"_  
Poe let go of himself. "What?"  
"You barely even _touched_ it." He sounded exhausted. Poe laughed.  
"Well, things work differently when you're doing it for _fun_ ," the last word coming out as a tease.  
"You're telling me..." Poe gently nudged Finn, letting him pick his head up before he got off the bed. He walked over to the sink and started cleaning himself off.  
Finn started to get up, but the cold from the stain in his briefs willed him back down. "Shit..."  
Poe looked over. "What's up?"  
Finn motioned downward, a look of faint disgust on his face. Poe chuckled.  
"I've got another pair, just throw those in the basket."  
Finn stood up at the edge of the bed, trying his best to ignore the mess in his pants. He cautiously pulled both his sweatpants and briefs down in one motion. He'd been used to nudity in the First Order; changing rooms never had stalls. But in front of Poe, he felt a rush as his back faced the pilot, completely bare.  
Poe stopped to admire. Finn wasn't _ripped_ , but he was built; and his lower body was just as sculpted as the rest. He gave a juvenile whistle as Finn walked over to the basket.  
 _"Nice ass."_   
Finn looked behind him, a full-teeth smile breaking out as he laughed. He stopped though, realizing he had nothing to cover himself with if he turned around.  
"Don't be shy," Poe joked, "you saw mine. Probably best to just get it over with."  
Finn turned around slowly, feeling more naked than ever despite years of being so in the presence of others.  
Poe looked him over, not exactly hiding the return of his arousal. " _Damn_ , buddy."  
Finn sheepishly walked across the room and grabbed a pair of sweatpants from the drawer, tossing them on the bed as he took Poe's place at the sink. He cleaned the mess on his thigh with the wet towel Poe handed him, waiting up against the wall behind him.  
As Finn turned to go, Poe put a hand on his shoulder and turned him around.  
" _God_ , I love you Finn." He pulled them together, bare bodies against one another. Finn felt Poe against him, thrilled by the prospect of what was going on below. Poe tasted his lips for a moment before Finn returned,   
_"I love you too."_   
Poe let go, walking to the dresser and finding another pair of boxers to wear.  
After Finn slipped the sweatpants on, he sat down at the edge of the bed. It was early in the morning, and neither of them had slept for at least a day. Poe sat down next to him, hand back to its usual pattern of tracing his scar.  
"I'm not gonna lie, buddy." He looked ahead, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. "I didn't expect things to go that way."  
Finn nodded. "Neither did I. I guess it just... _felt right_."  
Once again, Poe felt surprised at his own words coming back at him.  
"Well, I'm glad it did." He looked over, noticing the smirk Finn couldn't get rid of.  
He crawled back, laying himself out on the mattress.  
"C'mere." Finn followed suit, laying down close enough to feel the heat from Poe on his skin.  
Poe lifted his hand and placed it on Finn's stomach, looking over. Finn's eyes were closed, his profile smooth against the sunlight.  
"Finn, I want you to know something."  
Finn opened his eyes and tilted his head toward Poe.  
"Things are gonna get better, ok?"  
Finn understood the depth he intended with those words, that he wasn't just talking about them, or even the Resistance. He looked up at the window, leaves poking through the sunlight.  
He came up with a million different ways to reply, but the one he ended up voicing was, _"I know."_


End file.
